50 Shades of KevEdd
by BNVshark
Summary: A series of oneshots detailing how KevEdd could work, given a multitude of different scenarios. Probably not going to last 50 chapters, but screw it. The title sounded nice.
1. KevEdd

**Author's Note:** _So some people are probably going to get offended for various reasons. It really doesn't matter what I say, because you guys'll just ignore my disclaimer that I'm not, in any way, homophobic, or that I firmly believe that educated people will support LGBT marriage, and whatnot. So... enjoy?_

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Edd/Kevin

Nazz had done it again, and Kevin hated it.

He didn't mind the attention he had received from her, at first. He thought it was kind of nice that she had been so curious about him. He had come out to her, after all.

Of course, what he didn't expect was for her to set him up on dates with all of _her_ gay friends. He appreciated the thought, and he _guessed_ he understood her mindset –gender stereotypes, and all- but he just didn't find any of the purse-wearing, lisping guys she had brought to meet him, attractive in the slightest. He didn't find skinny arms and legs or effeminate personalities attractive, all he wanted was just a regular – and he always got his ear chewed off when he mentioned that word, "regular," around Nazz's friends- guy who shared his common interests. Any of the guys on his football team would've done. At least he had the sport in common with them. Perhaps he would vaguely hint towards her to bait one of the closeted guys out?

He didn't have to. One night, while his parents were out, and he was busy stuffing handfuls of popcorn in his mouth, he heard a slow, almost rhythmic pattern of knocks against his door. Kevin didn't care that he looked like a mess. He wasn't seeing anyone, so he didn't feel a need to actually work to put himself together. He opened the door, to see none other than Double D, standing right there, with a bouquet of roses held in his right hand.

"Hey, man," Kevin said, giving the boy a hearty pat on the back. He must've knocked on his house by accident. "You nervous, or what? Nazz's house is just over there."

Double D laughed nervously, and Kevin found it just the slightest bit SUPER INCREDIBLY AWESOME FREAKING CUTE. LIKE OMG GUYS! HE'S WAS STARTING TO FALL IN LESBIANS WITH EDD! AGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"Heh, about that," Edd chuckled again and scratched the back of his head. "I'm… er… _these_ are for you."

Double D must've been nervous, Kevin thought, because he practically shoved the bouquet right in his face. It was a good thing he did that, because Kevin's face had suddenly turned 50 different shades of pink.

Suddenly, Kevin felt incredibly out of place in his clothes, now. Edd was all dressed up now, complete with a pair of kakis, a button up and a vest and tie. The clothes fit perfectly around the guy, Kevin noted. Edd had stuck with football during high school. He didn't know why, exactly, nor did he care to ask, but the guy had gained a significant amount of muscle. It wasn't anywhere near the bulk he had, Kevin realized, but he suddenly began to appreciate the girth the nerd had put on. And now Kevin thought that the nerd's clothes would look far better off and on the floor.

"WE SHULD TOTES HAV THE SECKS!"

OMG OMG OMG GUYS! KEVIN SAID IT! OMGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

"YES YES YES!" EDD ALMOST IMMEDIATELY took off his clothes, and they totally had sex right in the foyer of Kevin's house. And the front door was still open, which meant that the entire neighborhood heard and saw _everything_.

Then they officially became boyfriend and boyfriend and they dealt with like, SO much drama in high school because no one could appreciate their love and they got married and Kevin **ALWAYS** topped during sex, because that's exactly how gay couples do their stuff.


	2. Rev Kev and Rev Edd

**Rev!Kev/Rev!Edd**

Kevin started panicking the moment he realized where he was. The smell was more than enough to tick him off. Fidgeting like a madman, he readjusted his glasses. He _was_ in Ed's basement. But why? He was back in town for Spring Break so he could take a break from his classes at Yale to hang out with Nazz, his best friend. He remembered knocking back more than a few Cosmos and basically tottering back home. But how did he end up chained the Ed's bed post?

Wait? He was chained? What in heaven's name had happened?

Something knocked him out of his thoughts. It was the sound of something walking down Ed's stairs. He wasn't naïve enough to think that the person coming down was going to save him. Frantically, he began trying to slip the cuffs off of his arms, to no avail. His arms were almost abnormally skinny, but the person who chained him had apparently custom-made the cuffs for him. He cringed when he saw how tightly it gripped around his left wrist. It would certainly leave a bruise later on.

"Hey, twerp, you're finally sobered up."

Kevin's heart stopped. Damn it. It was Edd.

If he was panicking before, he was _hyperventilating _now. Edd, the boy who had almost beat Rolf to death. Edd, the boy who pulled a gun out in class and threatened to shoot the teacher right in the face. Edd, the boy who turned to a life of drug trafficking after he had gotten expelled.

Edd had always bullied him, and the teasing had only gotten about a million times worse when Kevin had finally came out in Freshman year. What the hell, what was he going to do to him?

"Relax," the man traced his sour-smelling fingers over Kevin's cheek.

The redhead turned his head away in disgust, but that only seemed to have prompted Edd to act unnecessarily harshly. The taller, bigger boy forcefully grabbed Kevin by his chin and turned him back so they could see each other's faces.

Scars, a patchy stubble, and enough piercings to tick off a billion metal detectors. Edd looked unclean.

"What do you want?" Kevin was still terrified, but he'd have to act as confident as possible. There was no way he'd let the hatted thug have his way with him.

"Y'know," Edd said, popping a cigarette into his mouth. "You're the only queer in town. Even Jimmy likes chicks."

"So," Kevin retorted.

"So it gets a little lonely out here, man." Edd almost playfully flicked Kevin's chin with a coarse finger.

What did Edd mean by that, Kevin wondered. Had the bully just come out to him? His heart started racing again when he realized that it was probably Edd who had chained him up.

"What are you planning to do to me?!" Kevin pulled away as far back as he could, and curled upright. Kevin hadn't had sex yet, but he most certainly didn't want to lose his virginity to that… thing.

"Come on, man. I just wanna have a little fun." He curled up next to Kevin, who responded by scooting away with the most terrified expression Edd had ever seen.

"Why're you doing this?"

"It's obvious, ain't it, twerp. We're no strangers to love. You know the rules and so do I. A full commitment's what I'm thinking of. You wouldn't get this from any other guy. I just want to tell you how I'm feeling. Gotta make you, understand. Never gonna give you up. Never gonna let you go."

Wait a second? What? He wasn't gonna let him go?

Edd turned the scrawny boy over and pulled down his pants. For no reason at all, Kevin suddenly wasn't against the boy manhandling him.

Even though what Edd was doing could technically constitute as rape, and even though he hated the boy growing up, Kevin couldn't help but feel a little giddy.

No, all that hate he felt growing up, while getting beaten and humiliated by the thug, wasn't hatred, but… love. He was in love with Edd.

"LET'S HAVE SEX!" Kevin was suddenly giddy as a schoolgirl. He was going to have sex with someone he totally loved. The best part? There was no way the thug was using him solely for his own personal enjoyment. He loved Edd. That was why he regularly beat Edd to near death during their childhood.

They had sex, and Kevin screamed in ecstasy. Why Edd was finished, he grumbled something, gave Kevin a raggedly towel to clean himself up with, and went upstairs without another word.

Kevin stayed chained up in Ed's basement for the next few weeks. He spent every second of every day thinking about his new love interest. Edd _must _have loved him, because the boy would give him all sorts of new and exciting foods to eat.

Before, Kevin would _never_ have thought that dog food mixed with steak juice would make a palatable meal, and, at first, he was disgusted. Of course, he started loving the small meals he got once every 4 or 5 days. After all, Edd had made each meal with love.

Kevin never got lonely, because, occasionally, Edd would bring down a pack of stray dogs to eat food with him. They didn't seem to like him; after all, he leg had now been chewed almost raw, but he liked having them around. After all, Edd's friends were his friends!

Every day, Edd would go down to enjoy sexy-time with Kevin. And every time, he'd finish loudly, and leave without giving the boy a kiss goodbye. Kevin was sure Edd was just saving up all that combined kissing energy for a super-mega-wumbo kiss in the near future.

Kevin spent the next two years chained to the same spot. Things changed, like the rabid dogs, but Kevin always loved Edd. He knew he'd get to see daylight again someday. He wanted to marry the man one day. After all, Edd _wasn't__** fucking crazy. **_Edd was just fucking him. And not that prostitute he saw come downstairs occasionally.

By the way, Edd would occasionally come downstairs at night, beat Kevin with a floorboard, and cry about how he **_accidentally killed Ed's entire family_**. It was okay, Kevin thought. Everyone made mistakes every once in a while.

* * *

**_I had way too much fun writing this._**


End file.
